


Leave me now

by thefirstweepingangelcas



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:57:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefirstweepingangelcas/pseuds/thefirstweepingangelcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misha is too close. Too close to breaking. He can't fight it anymore.<br/>So he tells Jensen to leave him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave me now

**Author's Note:**

> hallo, there folks!  
> first thing ever written, ever published. english is not my first language.  
> yada, yada, yada.  
> you know the drill.  
> Cheers!  
> and be kind.

_Misha? You Alright?  
_ Came Danneels voice next to him. He hadn't even heard her walk up to him.

_Yeah, I'm fine, Danny._

_You don't look fine, sweety_.  
Before Misha could reply, she added.

_If you want to talk, please don't hesitate to. Just come find me. I am kind of worried about you.  
_ And with these words she pressed a soft kiss on Misha's cheek and than left him sitting in front of his trailer.

+++

And that was how Misha found himself standing in front of the Ackles home in L.A. a week later. The last days in Vancouver had been hell. He was on the verge of breaking. Jensen had been there all the time, filling his mind with his presence, making him dizzy, stupid and quite frankly desperate. So desperate apparently that he was now knocking on Danneel's door. He was just about to change his mind and bolt, when Danny opened the door. She smiled at him. And held a hand up to silence him, but waved him inside. Misha followed her into the living room, while she was talking on the phone.  
 _Alright sweety. Just... it will be fine. I promise. Just calm down. We can talk later. Yes I am sure. I promise, you too. Bye love._

Misha's heart sunk lower and lower as he listened to Danneel talking to Jensen. When Danny sat down beside him, he asked.  
 _What's wrong? Is Jensen alright?_

  
_Don't worry about him. I am glad you decided to come. I wasn't sure you were going to talk to me._

_Neither was I. Why did you ask me to?_

_Honestly? Because Jens is worried about you._

_He is? Why?  
_ That was new. Or was it? Jensen had been asking him a couple of times if he was alright. Apparently his avoiding him hadn't been as subtle has he thought.

_He said you were sad. And you were avoiding him.  
_

_Huh.  
_

_Is he wrong?  
_

_Dan, sorry. Danneel I... can't. I don't. I shouldn't be here.  
_

_Mish.  
_ He looked up at the sound of the nickname only Jensen used.  
 _Dan is fine._ She smiled. _Whatever you may want to talk to me about, I promise I wont say anything. Not even to Jensen. Just tell me something. Or tell me how I can help you. If I can. I will._  


_Stop being so nice to me. Danny. That only makes this harder...  
_ He looks at her. And in her gaze is nothing but worry and kind understanding. And it is this moment that he realizes why Jensen fell for this woman. And in the same moment he realizes that Danneel knows.  
 _Make it stop. He finally manages. I can't breathe. It's like I am suffocating. And when he is there I can breath, But when he is gone it's a thousand times worse. And I tried everything. I want it to stop. Please make it stop._

And suddenly he is in Danneel's arms. She pulls him close and holds him against her chest.  
 _Shh, Misha. It's alright, You will be fine.  
_

_And now I am telling you. You should hate me. But you are being nice to me. And Jensen will find out and he will hate me. And I..._  
Misha is actually sobbing now. In the arms of the woman the love of his life is in love with, and he thought he could not be more pathetic.

+++

Misha is back in Vancouver a week later. The days are passing to fast. He is scared to death to go to set in Monday. He believed Danny that she won't say anything to Jensen. But maybe she told him that they talked. Than he would ask. He would ask anyway. Because he was Jensen. He was kind and caring and beautiful. And... Luckily before Misha could go to far with this train of thought there was a knock on his door. Misha sighed and went to open it. Oh, hey Jensen. He tries a smile to hide his surprise. Mish.

+++

They sat down on the couch. Misha carefully avoiding looking at Jensen.

_I heard you talked to Danny._

Misha looked up at the words, Terrified of the rejection he was waiting for.

_Why don't you want to talk to me?_

_She didn't tell you?_

_Tell me why you don't want to talk to me? No she didn't._

_No, what I told her._

_No. She said I should ask you._

_She did what?_

_She said, that I should ask you, And she wanted me to tell you that she was 100 % certain that I will be able to help._

Misha just stared at him. He wasn't sure for how long, but apparently for longer than he thought.

_Mish?_  
Jensen looked worried, Genuinely worried.  
 _Please, just talk to me. Please let me help._

He felt like crying, Jensen was being so kind and... and suddenly he was in Jensens arms. Which was surprising, Jensen wasn't usually one to be overly physical affectionate. But now he was cradled up against Jensen, who was carding fingers through his hair.  
 _Please let me help. Please. Mish._

In that moment he knew he had lost. He never could say no to Jensen, not when he was directly asking for something. So he wrapped his arms around Jensen and pulled him tighter against him.

_Mish, you are scaring me._  
He could hear the genuine worry in Jensen's voice. He could feel it in the way Jensen held him tight. He never wanted to let go. Ever. So he kept his mouth shut and tried to quiet to voice in his head that was screaming at him, shouting that this was going to be the last time Jensen was ever going to touch him, to let him this close. Finally Jensen pushed him back, very gently with a hand placed over his heart, the hand with his wedding ring, Because of course that is the way it was going to be. He looked up at Jensen and found his friends glistening with tears.

_Misha? Please. What ever you need. What ever you want. You can have it._

_How can you say that? You don't..._

_Because seeing you sad breaks my heart. Please let me fix it._

Misha closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
 _I need you to stop. Stop being my friend, stop talking to me. Stop looking at me. Stop acknowledging me._

While he was talking Jensen had let go of his hand. And now that he had stopped talking he opened his eyes and looked at Jensen again. He had expected hurt, confusion, or maybe even a blank face. But not this utterly broken expression. Not the evident pain mixed with guilt and sorrow. And he definitely was not prepared for the tears. He had never seen Jensen cry before. Obviously he had seen Dean cry. But not Jensen, and definitely not because of him. So without hesitation he wrapped him in a tight hug. But to his surprise Jensen struggled against his hold, trying to get him of.

_Don't.  
_ It was just a whisper. Misha dropped his arms.

_So basically, you want me to cut you out of my live?_

Jensen wasn't looking at him, but at the floor. Avoiding his gaze, getting up and moving away from him.

_Yes._

_If that is what you truly want. If this is what you need. I did say what ever you wanted, didn't I?I promised to do whatever you wanted didn't I. Misha? Please tell me why._

Honestly he hadn't planned so far. He had expected Jensen to yell at him and to be angry and to leave. He was not prepared to deliver an explanation to a Jensen, who was apparently very close to an emotional breakdown. Thankfully Jensen still had his back to him, so Misha could think a little. Jensen deserved the truth, he deserved Misha being a better friend. He deserved so many things. But at least an explanation he could give. Even if it killed him.

_I... I can't. Think. Or breath. I have to constantly concentrate on not touching you. To remind me that you are not mine to touch. Not mine... to anything. And it hurts me too much to be this close to you, without being close to you. It's not... I can't be who I want to be, when I am around you. I can't be at all, when I am around you. It hurts me to breath. So I need to be as far away from you as I possibly can. Physically and emotionally. Because this, this is breaking me. In every way a person can be broken._

Jensen still hasn't moved. Hasn't said anything. But now that Misha stopped talking he turned around and despite the pain still edged into his face, there was another emotion fighting his way through.  
 _You're in love with me._

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Nevertheless Misha felt the need to confirm it.  
 _Yes. I am in love with you_.

As soon as these words came out of his mouth, Jensen crossed the room in a second and stood before Misha.

_I need you to listen to me very carefully, you complete and utter moron. You tell me that you want me to erase you from my live. To lose my best friend. Instead of simply telling me that. And now you expect me to let you walk away from me? I will never let you go. You will not leave me, you understand. You can't leave me. I need you. I need you in my live. Even though you are a fucking idiot who wants to leave me. Even if I wanted to let you go, I couldn't. You are in my heart. Right next to Danny and JJ. You are my world. And I won't let you walk out of it._

Jensen gently turned Misha's face up to meet his eyes.  
 _Next time. Just listen to my wife. She knows me better than I do. She probably could tell you the exact point I fell for you. I can only tell you that I love you, too._

Misha looked into his eyes, trying to find any trace of a lie or excuse just to make him stay, but now that he let himself get lost in Jensen eyes like he didn't dare to in a very long time, all he could find was love and affection and a hint of nervousness that slowly changed into determination as Jensen leaned forward and pressed his lips softly against Misha's.


End file.
